I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
