More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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