You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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