i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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