what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My balls are so social today.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
