If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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