i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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