It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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