god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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