i permit you to call me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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