i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
