did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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