it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
