I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
