It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
