I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize