I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
