I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
