I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
