I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
