Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
