Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
