I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
