You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
