just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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