I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
