I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
