why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
