Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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