I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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