return my video game
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
