You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
