$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
