Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
