he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
