sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
