I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
