Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
