After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
