Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
