i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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