i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
