I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
