i jhust puked up my retainher.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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