well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And then he peed in my hair
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