I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
