Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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