I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
