I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
