How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
