matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
