I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
