so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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