Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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