Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
